The most recent encounter with Eli was two weekend's ago when he went to visit his Father and Step-mother at their home. He was acting out on one of his bizarre behaviours, which is going in and out of the house repeatedly during the wee hours of the morning. He had been doing the same thing at home with me and my husband. This behaviour is annoying and unsafe. My husband and Eli's Father spoke to him about this behaviour, on separate occasions. He didn't respond to my husband however, he did verbally attack his Father and Step-mother. Naturally, they requested him to leave their home immediately. He has been home isolated in his room for the past couple of days now, he only comes out at night when everyone else is asleep. I so desperately want my son to recognize that the life he is living, is no life at all.

Some times I feel bad because I wasn't knowledgeable about any form of mental disorder, and because of this ignorance I wasn't able to get him the help he was/is so desperately needs. As a family unit we have gone through an array of situations trying to be supportive of my son. His Brothers and Sisters have dealt with verbal abuse and on occasion physical abuse (The Boys) from their brother. There was one occasion that occurred where he refuse to sleep for over four days straight. He had a psychological breakdown due to sleep loss At that time I thought I had lost my son for good. Chronicling my son's process is therapeutic for me.

Let me go back to the beginning for a minute. Eli was and is a handsome and very intelligent young man. He was in his senior year of high school and had become a father of a beautiful little girl. Prior to his graduation date I notice a change in his demeanor. He didn't have the same interest in school as he always had exhibited, and his appearance began to slip as well. He appeared to be going through a period of depression. I attributed it to growing pains, becoming a father at a young age, graduating from high school, and not having a job. He went to stay for a while with his older brother who was enlisted in the service at the time, in hopes of regrouping himself and finding his direction. Well....none of that took place. instead what happen was more of a downward spiral. He became combative, difficult, and distant as well as irrational. His brother was no longer capable of allowing him to stay with him and sent him home. Upon his return home it has been a roller coaster ride to emotional dissension.

Mental illness

From the inception of Eli's diagnosis he has been in denial of his mental illness. Although he has a mental disability he his very smart, manipulative and cunning he has maneuver his way through the hospital stays to be released and not follow through with his after care. Because of his denial and refusal to stay on a medical plan it has been a roller coaster ride. I've been told to kick him out if he continues to not comply. This is a torment for me to consider.